Destination: Boot camp

In five days, we will celebrate our one year anniversary of moving to our little spot of the world in North Carolina. Prior to moving, my proclamation to the Lord was, "Here am I, send me!" I had plans and I believed those plans were stepping stones that would allow me to fulfill what God placed me on this earth to do. Shortly after arriving in NC, I realized that this adventure would be the start of boot camp. This training would tap into all areas of my life - the physical, mental, and spiritual.

Not only am I on this new and unplanned route, but my husband has also been called to the same life filled with change. This is one of those areas you could look at and see the positive and negative. At least we have had each other as we are stripped down from every angle, yet there seems to be even THAT much more pain in this process because as a married couple we take on each others burdens. Sometimes it feels like the agony never ends.

I never understood the decision to enter the military. I could never get past the thought of having to go to boot camp and willingly place myself into an environment where I would be pushed to my mental and physical limits. I guess I viewed myself as too weak to survive something like that. As a teenager and young adult, I watched a few acquaintances go off to Parris Island for several weeks and upon their return, they were always thinner than when they left. None of them ever talked about the process they endured but I sensed they had developed a deeper commitment to the military and to their country.

Our plans and what we thought we would get out of taking this ginormous risk to move were fairly straight-forward. I would go back to school to finish my undergrad degree for social work. Our three children would be safely part of an excellent school system (on paper it looks great), and my husband would reenter Corporate America for a short period of time so that we could shore up financially. At the end of about five years, we would be ready to launch in whatever direction God wanted us in.

Instead of our plans unfolding, they have unraveled. We realized the school system ran on legalism - devouring children's tender hearts, my application to the university I felt I had carefully chosen was rejected, and my husband's job has been filled with constant obstacles. Saying that many tears have been shed is putting it mildly. We are grieving. We are asking God for wisdom. And we are hopeful. We continue to remember how He sold our house in Maine in only a few days amidst a horrid real estate market. We see His hand here moving in ways relationally that we had not expected. He is lovingly correcting us. He is opening our eyes and hearts to things that were not on our radar. We are in boot camp. Unforeseen, unintentional, and sometimes undesirable boot camp.

This story does not have an ending - it is still in process. Right now, I am living one chapter of my story. I trust that whatever He has for the remainder of it, He will be right there while it unfolds. In my prayers, I cry out for Him not to drop me. It is also my hope for the end of boot camp that I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually fit and that I come out with a deeper commitment than ever before.