My Urge to Quit

Several years ago I realized I have an awful tendency to quit right when I get to the end of something. It could be as I near the end of a book, a goal such as weight loss, or even a class that I am acing. This desire became very real last year after my impulsive decision to run a 5k with a friend. I saw the finish line and wanted to stop. I wanted to end the challenge right there and justify quitting. I was tired, sore, my lungs couldn't take anymore, and who puts a finish line at the top of an incline? That's just silly! It was during my contemplation to quit when I heard a voice say, "This is what you do. You quit, right at the end. Don't stop!"

Here I am, yet again, at the end of a semester and the want to quit is looming. It reared its ugly head a couple of weeks ago when I realized I had to take a unit test on statistics and probability AND a cumulative final exam for that same class within six days of each other. I'm reliving the incline at the end of that 5k.

After a few hours of studying last night, I turned on my TV and watched the last half of Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. The featured woman had abandonment and rejection issues that she carried from childhood, and with it came a lot of fear. At the end of the show, the trainer gave insight on his client and made a very profound statement that hit me pretty hard. He said, "She was afraid to fail and afraid to succeed." Whoah...that is intense! It made me consider why a person would be afraid of achievement and I think I made a connection; they're afraid to succeed because success will bring them to another place of growth and they could fail in that new place. If I get an A in my class, I move onto additional, more challenging classes, and those have the potential for failure.

Who says failing is all that bad? There is an incredible stigma with it. Yet, I have learned, through my own failures, that it's more about what I take away. My identity isn't wrapped up in what I don't accomplish. Failing doesn't make me a loser. I read somewhere that where you stop or fail, that spot is your new starting line. I can accept that, but I have a lot invested in my education and I won't quit. I need a minute to refocus and remember that I can DO THIS!